Flesh Gordon

Netscape3.5

Not even gonna try and justify it by saying the special affects are great (they are) or how there’s barely any fucking (if you get hard to this you should get tested for autism). An oddly funny movie that goes on for like 20 minutes too long.

Hexagore3.5

Watched the German Turbine Medien Blu-ray.Not to be confused with the real "Flash Gordon".An outer space Sex Ray, fired from Planet Porno by the evil Emperor Wang the Perverted (William Dennis Hunt), hits Earth and turns everyone into sex-crazed maniacs—leading to total economic collapse and the disintegration of moral fabric and decency. It's up to our hero "Flesh Gordon" (Jason Williams), along with his sidekick Dale Ardor (Suzanne Fields) and Dr. Flexi-Jerkoff (Joseph Hudgins), to board a penis-shaped spaceship and travel to Planet Porno to stop Emperor Wang once and for all.What began as a 16mm basement project by up-and-coming effects enthusiast Mike Wyatt was turned into a softcore, lowbrow, goofy sex parody once porn filmmakers and producers Michael Benveniste, Howard Ziehm, and the money-embezzling Bill Osco got involved.There are a few brief flashes of hardcore sex from a distance—thanks to a couple of overly enthusiastic extras getting a little too into it during the orgy scenes, inspired by the original "Flash Gordon" serials. But to credit the film solely on that basis does it a great disservice. What started as a $25,000-budget porn film—the most expensive of its kind at the time—quickly ballooned to $700,000 due to the ambitious special effects.Mike Wyatt was booted from the project after his effects didn’t meet expectations. Michael Benveniste then took over as director but was also fired due to missing reaction shots and other crucial footage. The film was eventually completed by Howard Ziehm. Allegedly, due to legal issues related to other porn productions, the footage was seized by the police, who agreed to return it only if all the hardcore scenes were destroyed. While that rumor persists, it’s more likely they opted for a softcore cut to reach the widest possible audience.For starters, this features way more old-school special effects than you'd expect, including stunning matte paintings by the legendary Jim Danforth, miniatures, elaborate costumes (including rapist robots), and fluid, highly detailed stop-motion creatures by effects wizard David Allen. There are numerous nods to iconic stop-motion sequences by Ray Harryhausen, referencing films like "The 7th Voyage of Sinbad (1958)" and "Jason and the Argonauts (1963)". A standout is a battle with a metallic, bird-like monster called "The Beetleman", created by Bill Hedge and a young Rick Baker—who would later become an Academy Award-nominated special effects artist. It’s every bit as impressive as the skeleton fight in "Jason and the Argonauts". Another memorable creature is the "Great God Porno", a satyr-like beast parodying "King Kong (1933)". Like Kong, it picks up a woman, but in this version he rips off her blouse and says: "I just want to... look at your tits."This was made before "Star Wars (1976)", and according to Howard Ziehm, the success of "Flesh Gordon" in theaters made 20th Century Fox take note—realizing that a silly space opera could, in fact, attract an audience. Several people who worked on this film would later go on to contribute to "Star Wars".As a comedy, it’s not exactly sharp—the jokes often miss, and the actors lack comedic timing. There's some fun in the naughty, sexy reinterpretations of classic characters, but the real joy lies in the film’s visual style and inventive effects. Thankfully, the sex remains mostly in the background and doesn’t derail the pacing. There’s plenty of nudity—both male and female—courtesy of its roots in the porn industry.A one-of-a-kind experience, as long as you can handle its raunchy, juvenile humor—which definitely wouldn’t fly today.There was a sequel in 1990 titled: "Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders", and yes, it also featured stop-motion effects.I've got a "hard" spot for this. Now unleash the Penisaurus!

Juker2.5

Dr. Flexi Jerkoff has to be a top tier name along with Wang The Perverted