i. he's in your mind.ii. he's in the air that you breath and the laugh that you take and the hitch in your throat when you tell him that after you die, you are nothing and you return to the earth from whence you came.(you will never see him again after tonight, will you?)iii. he mistakes teasing for love and cruelty for intimacy. his way of getting close is stabbing you with a knife and cackling about it afterwards. he mocks you for your insecurities and your flaws but he notices the little things. he notices the big things too. his eyes glow with a hot sort of fervor as you stride under the city lights. you feel like a bug under glass. he's pinning you down.iv. you suppose that love and understanding are not the same thing, because your parents understood you but did not love you. (your father only gave your brother the watch because he was dying, you tell yourself). your wife is sweet and she cuddles with you into the night but she seems disinterested when you try to tell her your secrets.(he understands you and when you look at each other, it's like the world has stopped spinning. but that's not love, you tell yourself. he mocks you behind your back. he broke your watch and barely seemed interested in picking up the pieces.)v. there's a hotel room and there is a bar and there is a car and there is a man lurking behind the neon lights. you know he is doomed from the moment you put your jacket on. you run to his side anyway. it's what you do.
